yah know, this week just hasn't been plesant.  I got a 75 on an anatomy and physiology test, I'm stressed beyond repair, and I'm really lacking in the healthy department after 'enjoying' four straight McDonald's lunches.  Normally, this woud amuse me, delight me even.  But today?  not really.

I'm just tired, and frustrated, upset and kinda angry.  I'm not saying I'm the most amazing person in the world, but I'm not the worst either, so why is it that I feel as if luck's never on my side?  Ohio State's only a few months away now, and what do I have to show for it?  My family's struggling bad enough as it is, and now Sallie Mae (after fighting with us only months beforehand) decide they are going to team up with OSU and 'award' me a loan.  Since when the hell is a loan a reward?  ESPECIALLY from F^ing Sallie Mae???

Honestly, it was kinda like a slap in the face.  You know, the kind where your head flips to the side so fast due to impact, that a saliva trail follows as unattractive as possible.  I spent SIX months trying to 'work' with Sallie Mae for my Massage Therapy school, and ended up getting shunned away from Sallie Mae after they kept loosing my information.  That's right, Social Security number, address, just about everything they could loose, they lost.  I'm not just saying once, either.  Twice, three times...  Hell, even four times for some of the things.  Then they 'discontinued' my account becuase they asked me for something they said they already had for SIX MONTHS.  I'm half tempted to tell Sallie Mae that they can take their lousy loan, and their lousy company, and shove it up their ass.  Really, I'm that cheesed off.

To make things even worse, my scholarship search isn't working out too well.  I'm fretting, and I'm fretting big time.  I don't feel like I'm adequate enough to even apply to half of these things, but I do any way, beating myself up for not getting more involved in my community every time a new application asks about sports and activities.  The hell should I say???  "Sorry, guys.  I was too busy taking 30 credit hours, working 25 hours, and putting out fires between family members (90% of the time, my sisters).  Oh, yeah, I also have a long-term boyfriend, who goes to school 5 hours away from me, and we were highschool sweethearts."  No one asks, because no one cares.  Which sucks, because that's my life, and until these stupid scholarships became a necessity, I was actually pretty pleased with the way things turned out.  Now I feel like I should be ashamed, but instead I'm pissed.  I've worked my ass off to get where I am.  Yeah, I'm only 21, I have no kids, and I'm not married, but my days are still filled with the insanity of just loving, and getting through the minor insanities of life.  Why the hell isn't that good enough?!

It's 10:45 at night, overe here, and I'm still sweating like a pig...  Not an attractive look for me.  Heh.  Just watching the news and relaxing after a fairly somewhat eventful day, complete with taking a walk with the boy and his dog.  It was nice.  I can't complain.  Another one of those 'classic summer days'  that I'm going to look back on in fifty years and think of when I talk about how much I miss the old days.

it really was beautiful today.

this is going to be short, because I'm cool like that

I finally found my cell phone after loosing it twice in the past 24 hours!

Whew!

k, thanks, bye.

sitting around looking for more scholarships listening to a song from the Movie, the Boondock Saints, and getting ready to clean my messy room...  I don't know what color my carpet is any more.  haha.